STOP! IT'S NOT OK TO DATE IF YOU ARE A CHRISTIAN!!!!!

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Permalink Reply by Catherine Allmond on May 29, 2009 at 2:13am

Hi Brittany,

I have mulled it over and here is what I came up with so far: These definitions are from Strong's Hebrew and Greek Dictionary

G4203
πορνεύω
porneuō
porn-yoo'-o
From G4204; to act the harlot, that is, (literally) indulge unlawful lust (of either sex), or (figuratively) practise idolatry: - commit (fornication).

G4204
πόρνη
pornē
por'-nay
Feminine of G4205; a strumpet; figuratively an idolater: - harlot, whore.

H2181
זנה
zânâh
zaw-naw'
A primitive root (highly fed and therefore wanton); to commit adultery (usually of the female, and less often of simple forniciation, rarely of involuntary ravishment); figuratively to commit idolatry (the Jewish people being regarded as the spouse of Jehovah): - (cause to) commit fornication, X continually, X great, (be an, play the) harlot, (cause to be, play the) whore, (commit, fall to) whoredom, (cause to) go a-whoring, whorish.

1Co 6:9 Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,
1Co 6:10 Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.
1Co 6:11 And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.
1Co 6:12 All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.
1Co 6:13 Meats for the belly, and the belly for meats: but God shall destroy both it and them. Now the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body.
1Co 6:14 And God hath both raised up the Lord, and will also raise up us by his own power.
1Co 6:15 Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of an harlot? God forbid.
1Co 6:16 What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh.
1Co 6:17 But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit.
1Co 6:18 Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.
1Co 6:19 What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?
1Co 6:20 For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.


1. In the strongs Harlot and Fornication are only used figuratively for idolatry not literally, Reading the scriptures in context, Paul spoke literally and in the 16th verse he was talking about sex outside of marriage, first of all in the 9th verse he seperates the two, fornicators and idolators he does not use them interchangeably and reading from the 9th verse all the way to the end of the chapter he is talking about fornication not idolatry, so to that end dating is not outlawed but fornication is. Just because you go out on a date does not mean you are going to have sex. And if you struggle in that area then you need to use wisdom a maybe not date until that area of your life is no longer a struggle for you.

2. Yes, soul ties are real Godly and Un-Godly and I do agree that it is very serious business, there is a book that I can see needs to be read, it is scripturally sound and it addresses soul-ties, it is called Seductions Exposed, by Dr. Gary L. Greenwald. I most definitely will be waiting for the continuation of your post.

2Ti 2:15 Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.

God Bless

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Permalink Reply by Kaila on May 29, 2009 at 12:44pm

Yea, Thats what I was saying. Exactly what you said in number 1. Fornication is wrong not dating: ). Its all about how you handle yourself as a christian woman. I'm not saying to go out there and date guys for the hec of it. I was just saying that we are allowed to date. Especially if we think we coould marry the person, thats all.

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Permalink Reply by brittany on May 29, 2009 at 3:34pm

Let me first just say, that I in no way, shape ,or form, have a problem with dating. Dating is not at all the issue. What I have a problem with, as i said before, is with dating someone who is not chosen! or dating without Gods permission. this is the point you are missing ms. Kaila bear. it is perfectly fine to date one whom God has sent forth, and has told you He has chosen them for you. When we are in the world, unsaved, it is true that we make our own decisions, and do our own thing, and choose as we see fit. But once we are saved, and have yielded our bodies, our minds, and our hearts to God, He is the one who ultimately makes our decisions. we can have an OPINION.......but God makes the DECISION. GOD CHOOSES....I DON'T. This being said, i would also like to point out that there is more than one way to fornicate. So often we think of fornication and we automatically think we have to hop in bed with someone for it to be fornication. A person can fornicate with their eyes. a person can fornicate with their mind. a person can fornicate with themselves [masturbation for example} now if one were to ask us out on a date the obvious thing to do is to question THEIR motives and intentions..........but how about OUR OWN MOTIVES?? we have to do a self check! why am i going on this date? is it because I am lonely? is it because i want some attention? is it because i want someone to tell me how pretty i am? maybe i just want to go out and have fun cuz i think he or she is cute.........but here's the thing......as canton jones sings in one of my favorite songs "your cute, but not cute enough to lose my salvation"...........oh how true that is. We have to HAVE TO HAVE TO......ask God. to be literal about it, as soon as the person says "hay would you like to go out?" my answer is "you know what let me ask God and i'll let you know" then i go home get on my knees and say "Hay God, My father in Heaven, what's up? can i kick it with him or her? what is your will God, not my will but your will?" and i go by what God says. now i can only go by what God tells me. and God has told me Himself in all His goodness that i am not to date until my husband comes. why? because i am precious. we are all precious. and we are to be patient and wait on who God sends. I would like to share a friend of mines testimony. this friend will remain nameless, but he is an awesome prophet of God. He was dating this woman without Gods permission. He said not once did he ask God "is this my wife", or "is it okay for me to be with her". Now for those who do not know, a prophet, is someone ordained and annointed to hear the voice of God very clearly. so we know he was just plain doing what he wanted to do, not even asking God for a comment about it. He ends up marrying the woman. then one day, out the blue God tells him "that is not your wife! but since you never asked me about it, you can't divorce her until I say so".in the meantime, the woman was cheating on Him, and doing all kinds of other hurtful things. then one day a man she was having an affair with came into the house with a gun. my friend said that the night before, God had already told him everything that was going to happen. so when the man came with the gun, my friend had already taken his wife and family out of the house. only he {my friend} was there. the man came in with a gun and said he was going to kill my friends wife. what ended up happening is my friend had already called the police, and before the man could even really do anything the police were there and the man went to jail.
Shortly after my friend said that God told him that it was now o.k to divorce the woman, cuz that wasn't his wife in the first place, and to never do anything like that again. had my friend not married or dated this woman, it would have saved him all that trouble. had my friend disobeyed God and left the woman before it was time, the woman would have been dead. this testimony sounds real deep and i know a lot of us think "awww that could never happen to me" but the truth is when you don't seek God and do what you want to do, it leads to disaster, divorce and even death. I would like to end this by saying once again, DATING is not my problem. hay dating is fun! when it is with the God given person whom God has sent. my problem is with dating just because you want. just because you feel like it. just because your lonely. just because the guy or girl is cute. just because! even if you handle yourself well on the date, and don't fornicate, if God didn't send that person or tell you it was ok to go out with that person than what are you doing????

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Permalink Reply by brittany on May 29, 2009 at 5:06pm

TO reply to your message catherine {you are so pretty by the way}=} I have studied many books on soul ties and the like. What i discern from them is that a soul tie can be made with or without sex. you can have a soul tie with just a close friend, or family member. the Thing is i understand that dating is not outlawed, fornication is, but if we get down to the nitty gritty of the matter here, why do we date? to find our husband or wife right? well if you say in your last message and i am quoting your exact words............Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD. Don't go searching It is not our job, as women we just need to be in place"...........so then if dating is to find or look or search, then that is a contradiction. we dont need to be looking!!! trust in the lord with all thine heart and lean not to your own understanding proverbs 3:5.............we have to trust that God will make sure we have the right man or woman, at the right time, in the right place, with the right circumstances. by your testimony you say that you weren't even saved yet God ensured that you found the ordained "helpmate". and God turned it all around for your good. you both ended up saved and walking into destiny. Ephesians 1:4, "God chose us in Christ before the foundation of the world". God already knew you were HIS.! God already knew your husband was also His!! he knew all about you, he knew all about your husband, and He put the two together. that is the power of God. It is harder to miss God than people think. see i've heard Christian women say well i date because i don't want to "miss God" by not looking or not searching. It is so hard to MISS GOD!!! we as Chrisitians need this revelation. What kind of God would we serve if He had us down here just running around scared if we miss one thing, or take one wrong step that we are going to "miss God" and be jacked up with no husband or wife.. but anyway back to the discussion,Proverbs 8:34-35,
says,
“Blessed is the man who listens to me, watching daily at my doors, waiting at my doorway. For whoever finds me finds life and receives favor from the lord.”
we all know that God is the Head. we are to obey, and listen not only to His voice, but listen FOR His voice would you agree? so then if i am dating as a saved woman, walking closely with and for the Lord, yet not waiting on the Lord nor hearing His voice, then I am in active disobedience would you agree? so what i am saying ultimately is this......DATING IS NOT what i have a problem with. dating outside of Gods will.....that is my problem. dating without Gods permisson....that is my problem...dating someone who is not my husband or future husband is my ultimate problem!. dating without HEARING THE VOICE OF GOD!!!!! that is plain SELF WILL! let us define self will:
self will is to be motivated by self, to do things of and concerning self, self seeking, self absorbed, choice of ones own self, authority of ones own self.

Here is the one that sums it all up. it says self-will is to make choices of ones OWN SELF. if we then are dating of our own choice, meaning not letting God choose who, and when........then we are operating in self. let's use a scenario. a guy asks me out on a date. he is super duper fine! i mean good looking christian man........he asks me out and just because i'm like 'oh my god he is so fine this could be the one!!!" and i immediately accept his invitation not once saying, "GOD??....IS IT OK?? IS THIS THE ONE WHOM YOU HAVE CHOSEN FOR ME??" and i just go out with him. meanwhile God is like "that aint even her husband".......then what am i doing??? walking in self! self absorbed. selfish motives..........would you agree with that? Ultimiately the whole point of this message and discussion....is so that one, we can all know and understand that God talks, speaks, and is ever so mindful of us..." Who is Man, that God is so mindful of Him! Psalm 8:1-8
number two if scripture says that God is ever mindful of us, then we know he doesn't have us down here living in confusion running around trying to find our husband or wife, dating this one and dating that one....right?
"For God is not the author of confusion but of peace...."(1 Corinthians 14:33)
so now then if God is not the author of confusion.......then we must know that if we just stand in place, live for God, and do what he asks of us, then The Husband or wife will certainly come.
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” Mat 6:33
this means i don't have to look. i don't have to search. i don't have to worry. i don't have to date. i don't have to put my nike's on and run after no man. God clearly says in His word if i seek first His kingdom, then i will get what i need. all i have to do is live for Him.....would you agree with that word of scripture? in all the entirety of this discussion, MY MAIN POINT IS THIS........God is all we need. the husand will come. the wife will come.But until then let God control the wheel. we are just passengers, but God is the driver. If we switch places with Him and start driving....guess what happens in the end.........we crash!

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Permalink Reply by L.W. on May 29, 2009 at 11:13pm

Um brittney hunney you said as the name of the discussion stop its not ok to date if your a christian period, then later on in your response you said it is ok, so your kinda confusing me! First of all jus because a woman goes on a date, doesn't mean she is necessarily looking for a man, what if the man was the one who asked her on the date? There is nothing wrong with choosing to go out and meet people, now I do believe that you should pay attention 2 who your dating, and you should use wisdom while you date, and when it comes to conisdering to starting a relationship that's when make sure that god thinks this person is ok, some people you will kno off the bat you ant got no buisness talking to, but there is nothing wrong with going to the movies with a girl cus you think she is cute, cus you know you ant finna go to the movies with nobody ugly! If the bibles says he findeth a woman findeth a good thing then what does that mean? That mean he had to be looking right? How you find something without looking 4 it first? So I think your statement *stop, its not ok to date if your a christian* is incorrect, lets not get 2 deep, when I date the lord will let me kno if have any buisness even approaching that girl before I do, and if we talk and I found out she ant about christ I leeave her alone, and continue dating! By the way kailia yes your 18, me im 19, and it is good 2 keep your focuse and hadle your buizness first. But it is ok 2 occasional have fun as long as you are having godly fun feel me? And you are a very beautiful girl so jus becareful of who you dating, and make sure you put god first!

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Permalink Reply by Antoine Roston, Sr. on June 1, 2009 at 8:23am

I'll add my two cents (lol). I think that to many folk in church are so influenced by society and the rules of the world that we are weaken in the Church. Also I want young ladies especially, to understand that there is a difference in going to church and being a follower of Christ. When I go to church I merely go for a religious experience, and religion doesn't save or change anyone. so when a dude or shorty comes to you with the I believe in Jesus thang, there are some questions that should be asked. Like, Do you believe in him in that you acknowledge that he is the son of God, or do you believe in him that you put all of your trust in him and have given him your life? Trust me, it's jacks religious folk up, because they don't even realize there is a difference. Then you hit them up with asking them for an example. 2nd we have to understand in biblical times and I believe in God will, your husband or wife will be accepted by the family especially the Mother if she is saved and have a relationship with Christ, and isn't unhealthy and bitter herself. But the person who is your spiritual influence will have discernment on rather the person is the person for you. That's why the Scripture Prov 18:22 say whosoever findeth a wife. Whoso may not be a man, but it could be a father, a mother, a sister, a brother, a person of influence in your life. Understand God won't always be able to talk to us when we think we are in love or hope that this person is the one, because we already have it set in our mind. He uses the influence of others to guide you in these sort of situations.

For me, I was thinking about marrying this girl, that my mom just wasn't feeling. She told me she wasn't the one, but of course I wasn't hearing her, cause I was trying to hit it, but in marriage "right". But when me and this girl went to a church service, I went up for prayer and the Pastor said "You have a pure heart before God, you want to be married and you think you found the girl, God said consult him". WHAT!!!!!!!! After this the girl lost her complete fool mind, mind you no one was feeling her in the family for real any way, they tolerated her. My wife, I've been knowing since we were about 5 years old, she knew the family, but more so than that we were born to love each other, and honestly it wasn't until I stopped trying to find a wife that I hooked up with my wife. She's from Los Angeles and I'm from Kansas City, MO, so all of our dating really was phone conversations, and I think that's what Christian dating should just about be limited to, conversations one-on-one over the phone or in very public places, with the family, in groups of friends, learn the person, see them in many different context's, go to marriage/relationship classes if you find a good one like mines you'll discover the true person. Explore each other and know, sexual exploration is not the person, you can have sex with anyone and accomplish the ultimate goal of sex (:D , but trust me you will not connect mentally, spiritually, emotionally or financially with everyone or just anyone. Take you time and first get to know yourself and then you'll draw what God wants for you and that person will see you for you and respect 1st the God in you. Anyone who will disrespect the God in you doesn't respect God at all. Remember that and you'll be alright. Note people come in our lives to help us learn about ourselves, so don't knock friendships, getting to know people, because essentially you learn about yourself. Holla www.pastorantoine.webs.com

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Permalink Reply by Simplysaved on June 1, 2009 at 12:09pm

I have been a very compelling discussion on this some months ago.....two things to consider in your perspective, which has some very good points: (1) not everyone is called to be married (that is scripture); (2) there are some things that you can learn in a healthy, non-sexual relationship that will help you in marriage if that is God's will for you (also scripture).

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Permalink Reply by Cross-Eyed Robyn on June 1, 2009 at 4:44pm

What Scriptures hon? It helps those of us who are observing this discussion... because right now there are so many opinions, I don't think a confused person would be able to get some solid guidance from the Word in here.

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Permalink Reply by Cross-Eyed Robyn on June 1, 2009 at 5:44pm

Brittany, I noticed you changed your convictions midway. Go back to your prayer closet, because according to your faith he has blessed you. You were right in the title, God does not need to have His children date. They can choose to, but God has called no man to it.

However, not everyone will understand your stance, and it's ok. You just have to run with the vision and freedom God has given you from dating. People are always going to fight for their FREEDOM TO DATE, until they realise that salvation in Christ brings the precious FREEDOM FROM DATING and those unnecesary worries. Just be more ready with your Sword, "always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect," 1 Peter 3:15


Guys, God never leaves us in the dark. Actually, He throws out very strong absolute (not partial) words. I'm at work, but will throw out some basic Scriptures:

1) Treat younger men as brothers, younger women as sisters, with absolute purity. (1 Tim 5:1-2)
-- until you marry someone, or are betrothed to them (engaged).. they are your sister/brother, and possibly someone else's wife/husband. There is no need for you to be going to the movies alone with someone else's spouse...

2) Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. (Prov 4:23)
Above all else, please guard your heart.. not your genitals, or your mind, but your heart... because from it will flow all your other decisions. Girls, we have to be honest with ourselves... though I am sure I will not have sex with a guy after going out for ice cream, I am sure my heart will in some way soften and become a bit mroe tender towards him. Multiply that by a few dates, and your heart will pretty much favor him, so much so that if God was speaking, it would be really hard to hear because our hearts would be beating louder :)

3) All things are lawful," but not all things are helpful... not all things build up. (1 Cor. 10:23)
Brothers, it is very lawful for you to pursue a girl and ask her on a date so that you can find out more about her. But to tell you the truth, you could prolly find out alot about her without getting her heart involved.... because once her heart is involved, it is going to hurt to hear that we are not compatible for marriage (whether that word comes form God or you). Actually, you could prolly find out alot more without getting her heart involved... the Holy Spirit knows more about her than she knows about herself, try observing her in ministry/service, ask her spiritual authorities and friends the questions that you would've asked her... (and she should have some form of spiritual authorities, because you are going to ultimately become her spiritual authority.. so if she is not already learning the joy and virtue of submission to someone else, she is not going to learn it magically by marrying you... you want to know how they vouch for her character and humility.)

4) And the unmarried man/woman is anxious/concerned about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. (1 Cor 7: 32,34)
If we find ourselves dating one person to the next, we look just like the world, and they can see no difference between us and them. Just because we know that we're not going home to sleep with the person does not mean they know that. All they see is you dating one girl this month, and another in 2 months, just trying to find "the one". Well guess what, they would say the same thing... they're just dating to find the one... the only difference is they perform their search mentally, emotionally, AND PHYSICALLY (sexually).. to thoroughly test out who they "soulmate" is. LOL. In the world's eyes, we look no different when jumping from date to date.

Believe me, dating is "permissible" BUT God will answer any genuine prayer that says I do not want to have to date someone else's spouse to find my own.... I dare you to pray it. Because of your faith in Him and His best for you, He will answer, :-)

Love the dialogue :-)
... sorry for the book :-/

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Permalink Reply by L.W. on June 1, 2009 at 8:00pm

You had some coo points cross eyed but none of those points that god said it was wrong 2 date, no one is fighting 4 the right 2 date, because no one has ever established it was wrong, including the word of god! But I do believe there is a wrong and a right way 2 date!

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Permalink Reply by Kaila on June 1, 2009 at 8:11pm

I would have to agree, I have not seen ,nor has anyone given, scripture on dating.

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Permalink Reply by Cross-Eyed Robyn on June 2, 2009 at 7:31am

That is why I clearly stated IT IS PERMISSIBLE TO DATE.... but not everything permissible is beneficial.

This discussion will go on for days, because L.W and others keeps going back to "sexual desires". But again, as I stated, sexual desires is not the issue.... when God talks about purity, "sexual desires" is just a drop in the bucket.

My posts are not for everybody (I already know that :-), it is for those who read it and have the ear to hear it. It is for that one girl or guy that will browse through this forum, and get a confirmation on a prayer that was already on their heart.. for those that have been trusting God and saying "I know I can date, but I also know that I do not need to, because I trust in the Lord of whoever my future spouse is.. and He will direct our paths".

Be blessed brethren! Dating or no dating.. Keep it holy!

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