He beats me, But the Bible Says I can't Leave Him, Why?

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Stephen Gonzalez on September 24, 2009 at 12:12am

I think she should leave the house for awhile maybe but that is no grounds to divorce. I think its biblical that we should never get divorce once married. Its alittle more complex than the norm but I think I have an arguement that God never permits divorce once married. On that note, I think she should pray for the man and seek to bring him to counseling.

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Richard Galvatron3000 Smith III on September 24, 2009 at 8:07am

You may not get a divorce but you can surely get a seperation. You don't have to stay in the same house and still be married. If he is abusing you then leave and don't get a divorce. Pray for him and seek God daily.

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by yshwa4life on September 24, 2009 at 6:22pm

perfect..big ups Richard Galvatron3000 Smith III

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Jayne Marie on November 24, 2009 at 3:49pm

I grew up in a Christian home. Both my parents used to tell me that divorce is not an option. However when I was 24 my parents separated and later that year divorced. Neither of my parents were physically abusive, but the relationship was not good or healthy.

1. My sister and I supported my mother's decision to leave. I DID NOT, however expect their separation to lead to divorce. My prayer was that it would lead to reconciliation. In their 25 years of marriage, my mother dragged my father to counseling on 3 separate occassions. Each time he'd go once and refuse to go back again until she threatened to leave him. My father was emotionally abusive. He's mostly a really nice, godly man, but passive aggressive, which means if you dissappoint him he will stop talking to you for years. That's how my mother spent almost all the the 25 years of her marriage. This treatment started shortly after the got married. Not exactly what Christ loving the church looks like.

Our hope was that if our parents went to their respective corners and sought God since they are both Believers, God could heal what they couldn't. I STILL believe in that. Sometimes, in the midst of a bad situation, God can't show us our own faults because we're in a constant fight with the other person. Both my parents had faults in their marriage but could only see the hurt the other person caused. I believe had they not been so hasty to be free from the person causing pain, they could have been freed from the pain and restored in their relationship. Of course, I've never been married.

Note: Divorce hurts children, young and old; it hurts friends; your mentees, your church family, it hurts everyone who looked to you.

Note: Bad marriages hurt children, young and old and teach them bad lessons. They hurt EVERYONE, whether or not people know there is abuse going on. AND they allow for the abuser to NOT get help, because they are no consequences for those abusive actions.

I believe in separation. I believe when a person emotionally divorces someone or physically tries to kill/harm their spouse, they are saying that don't want to be married. If a person is unfaithful to their vows (whether through adultry or through violence), that person is the one who broke the vow - the victim is free to go.

1 Corinthians 7 says a wife SHOULD NOT leave her husband... BUT IF YOU DO. Meaning even back then it happened in the Body for 1 reason or another. Also, it says if your unbelieving spouse wants to leave, let him/her go. I don't thinkt that means if your Believing spouse wants to leave, use any means necessary to keep them (when counseling fails what then? guilt, threats, violence, black mail? chaining them in the basement?). When the spouse can't be reached and reasoned with you have to left him or her go. I think when actions (abuse or infidelity) tell you they don't want to be married to you, you have to let him or go.

2. I have a friend who's husband abused her. I didn't know to the extent until she finally left. As it turns out, her husband had broken her nose and left her bleeding on the floor of their house. Whether she lived or died was not his concern. As she shared with me later, she recognized that she married her husband because she wanted to. It had nothing to do with God's will. She went against godly counsel, tried to make the best of it (they went to premarital counseling) and they did what they wanted to do. They met in church, but he was not a Christian. As soon as they married, he stopped counseling and stopped going to church and would keep her away too.

Just because we make a vow in the presence of God, does not mean that GOD actually PUT you together. Sometimes our insubordination puts us together with the wrong spouse or a bad situation. What God puts together no man should tear apart, but what man puts together sometimes needs to be pulled apart.

Question: If a spouse is molesting your child, what are you most responsible to? Your vow YOU made or the CHILD GOD gave you?
Question: If a spouse is beating you in front of your child, what are you most responsible to? Your vow YOU made or the CHILD GOD gave you?
Question: If a spouse is beating you and there is no child, do you think GOD doesn't care about HIS OWN CHILD?

3. Final point: Judges 19 tells a scary story of abuse.
In the days when Isreal had no king and did whatever they saw fit in their own eyes as it later says [Prob 1], A levite (one of God's chosen men) had concubine [prob 2], she was unfaithful, left him and went back to her father's house.

Ok she was unfaithful and she left so she was wrong, right?

vs 3. Her husband went to her to persuade her to return.

He gets her to go with him. On the way back, they stay with an old man in the tribe of Benjamin. The men of Benjamin demand that the old man send out the levite so they have sex with him. HERE'S THE HUGE PROBLEM.

vs 25 - 29
"So the man took his concubine and sent her outside to them, and they raped her and abused her throughout the night, and at dawn they let her go. At daybreak the woman went back to the house where her master was staying, fell down at the door and lay there until daylight. When her master got up in the morning and opened the door of the house and stepped out to continue on his way, there lay his concubine, fallen in the doorway of the house, with her hands on the threshold. He said to her, "Get up; let's go." But there was no answer. Then the man put her on his donkey and set out for home. When he reached home, he took a knife and cut up his concubine, limb by limb, into twelve parts and sent them into all the areas of Israel.

SHE WAS DEAD! His love for her, KILLED her. He loved her SOOOOOOO much that he waited 4 months to go get her and bring her back. THEN, he loved her SOOOOOOO much he let a whole city of men rape TO DEATH. He was calloused about her dead body. He never cared for her. AND look in the end, he was called HER MASTER, not her HUSBAND. He wanted her, he controlled her, he manipulated her into returning, but he did not Love her. He was actually wrong in the very beginning for even having a concubine as a Levite. There is not a trace of his vows or Christ loving the Church anywhere in his actions.

Not everyone who "wants to stay" married, really wants to stay married, especially if their actions do not change.
DO NOT go back to an abusive relationship. Period.

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by AnDraea on January 30, 2010 at 6:21pm

Jayne Marie-so much wisdom in what you said...excellent illustration from Judges- I never looked at that story like that-God Bless you!

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Queen Sweetheart on December 1, 2009 at 9:38am

pour hot grits on them, beat em with a baseball bat may I go on? lol

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Amerah Henrene Shabazz-Bridges on June 6, 2010 at 9:32pm

Amerah H. Shabazz-Bridges
Just in case you did not see this post, Lisa, this is a response to the above question. Tracy Manning
First off, I would like to say that I interpret the Bible to mean that marriages ordained by God are marriages that should not be separated. Having a piece of paper from the State of Tennessee, Mississippi, or any other state and/or country does ... See MoreNOT necessarily mean that God meant for a couple to marry. It is only when they are both seeking God's... See More will as a couple that their marriage is ordained by God. That being said, it is obvious to me that when a person in a relationship, being man or woman, is being abused by their spouse, that at least one of the people in that relationship are NOT seeking God's will, and doing God's will, and therefore the marriage may not be a true Godly marriage.

Now, THIS is what I get out of the Ephesians 5 verses so many quote: "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself." What comes out to me is: " Wives submit to your husbands as you would to the Lord" - AND THE LORD WOULD NEVER BEAT YOU, DISRESPECT YOU OR BELITTLE YOU!! "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church...Christ died to make us holy, gave Himself up to make us without stain, without blemish. HE WHO LOVES HIS WIFE LOVES HIMSELF" AND A MAN WHO LOVES HIMSELF WOULD NEVER HIT HIMSELF, AND SHOULD NEVER HIT HIS WIFE!! If a man hits his wife, he is not giving himself up to make her without stain or blemish but creating stain and blemish!! (By the way, this also can be reversed to say that a woman would never do this to a man!)

God would NEVER ask us to put up with such torture, to continue to live in a loveless marriage where we are subject to misery, neglect, and hate on a day to day basis. Therefore, it is my belief that God would want the abused person to get out, seek help, and divorce the abuser if they are unwilling to change, as most of them are.

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Amerah Henrene Shabazz-Bridges on June 6, 2010 at 9:35pm

Tara Maxwell
I agree. We humans take God, marriage and vows for granted. God frowns on divorce but allowed/allows it ... See Morebecause Man wanted it. Just like Man asked for Kings, even when God told them they didn't need one and would suffer at the hands of most Kings. Marriage was/is an covenant between man, women and God. We are to honor that covenant , as God ... See Morecontinues to honor his promise/covenant with us. The wife's attitude, behavior and demeanor is suppose to encourage Her husband, if a none believer. I would venture to say, if we all lived like God/Jesus commanded, there are many (bad/negative)things that wouldn't exist. He gives us the tools to make decisions, but doesnt force us. He allows free will(he gave it to us), but we will suffer the consequences of our sins. God is a loving God and Just God, but will punish us for our bad decisions and actions. Since Paul said, He suggest we remain as he is; Single. God wants your undivided attention and loyalty and that's hard with a family, because that attention and loyalty is split/divided. With all that said, I don't believe God wants anyone to stay in an abusive marriage . He wants us to treat each other and ourselves with respect and as a temple. Our body is not own, but God's. That's why fornication, adultry is wrong, because we defile our body with each act. (Marriage is honorable and the bed is undefiled). Everything is so out of whack and dysfunctional.
10 minutes ago ·

▶ Reply to This

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• …
• 3
• 4
• 5
• Next ›
• Page